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As soon as I got out of the car Friday night I could smell them. The beautiful fragrant smell of honeysuckles. They grew in Brooklyn as well. They have always been a favorite. I realized that I don't recall seeing honeysuckles in South Dakota. Maybe they have some somewhere. But I've never seen them.

Even before we arrive our son had called to tell us that the rhododendron in the backyard was in bloom. My husband had found a deal on near dead rhododendron at Lowe's several years ago. He planted them in a very odd spot in the back of the house near the trashcans. I didn't like the spot. But I was thrilled to have the rhododendron. I fell in love with them in Connecticut. While they are not common in Central Tennessee, they are abundant in the Smoky Mountains. Someday I want to go to the Smoky's in the spring and see them in bloom.

Yesterday I started my doctoral degree at my Alma Mater Trevecca Nazarene University. TNU's campus is beautiful any time of the year. I drove in taking in the beauty of magnolias in bloom. I understand why songs are song about these beautiful trees.

As I parked where I have parked hundreds of times before I saw an old friend, a beautiful old maple tree. I looked at the tree. I thought yes, I am home. This fall I will see you in your brilliant colors once again.

I saw the devastation of the flood. I drove by a friends house now destroyed. Her neighborhood can only be described as resembling a war zone. It is raining today and there are flash flood warnings. I am praying for Middle TN and her recovery from this horrendous devastation.

I heard the sounds of a southern accent. I heard people use the polite phrase Miss. I heard sir and yes ma'am. I had the door held open for me. I had a man get up to give his seat to me. There are still gentlemen in this world. They mostly live in the south.

After a long, tiring, a tearful trip from South Dakota, I am back home. I have been so conflicted. I have been so sad for so long that I have despaired that I could get excite or be happy. My husband tried to tell me that getting my EdD would make me feel empowered. I told him I was too old for that.

Yesterday was a good day. I found a spark of excitement as I sat once again in Quick lecture hall recalling all the times I had sat there before. Usually Tommy would be sitting behind me in class and we would chat about our dreams and aspirations. I still chat with Tommy but only in chat settings on the computer.

There were all new people sitting around me in this familiar room. All new professors were explaining the parameters of this new adventure. Dr. Swink, the dean shared her own Trevecca story as well as the history of this wonderful institution. She told us we couldn't graduate if we couldn't sing the alma mater and say the word doctoral correctly. The word is DOCtoral, not docTORal, and heaven forbid you ever say doctorial. Then she taught us a cheer for cohort lucky 13. We'll have a doctoral in 2013.

I think I will have a doctoral in 2013. I think I can do this. I want to do this. I am still sad, very sad about my experience with the seminary. Even at the eleventh hour one of the professors held out some hope for me. However, I didn't get any verification that things would move forward for me. While I am not abandoning my call to ministry, the only door God has opened is to return to Trevecca. I am thankful for that.

Next month I will experience living in a dorm for the very first time as cohort 13 experiences ISLE. I had three children when I did my undergraduate work. I'm not much for communal living. It will be a challenge. However, I rather suspect it will ultimately be good for me. I will meet new people. I will be challenged and motivated. Perhaps I could be empowered.

I have four books to read in the next five weeks. I have at least 15 pages to write. I will work with a group of strangers on a presentation for one of those books. I will pick and begin to hone my dissertation topic. I will adjust and craft it for use as academic research. I have been assured that the faculty of TNU will guide me, support me, and help me get to the goal. I believe them. There is something about the faculty of Trevecca. You just feel secure with them. You know they care about you. One faculty member referred to herself as the ISLE mama. She assured us that she'd be there from 7 am until 10 pm to make sure we had what we needed.

When asked yesterday why I was pursuing this degree, I thought my answer is so long I don't think I can give it right now. When I finally did answer, I said: I helped my husband get a PhD many, many years ago. I had children. They are all grown now. It is finally my turn.

I used to be an optimist. I used to hold on to hope that things would get better. I am no longer an optimist. I hope I have not descendent to the ranks of a pessimist. I would prefer to think of myself as a realist. The reality is that life is hard and much of the time it sucks. All we can hope for is a day like yesterday, where you smell the honeysuckle or see an old maple tree once again in full leaf greeting you as it has so many times before. There is a spark of hope. I'll have a doctoral in 2013.

2800 Miles in a Week

In case you’ve missed me, I’ve been traveling a lot. During Holy Week, we hosted my husband’s brother and the daughter of another one of his brothers for a brief visit to South Dakota and then Tennessee. It was an interesting way to spend Holy Week.

On Monday last, my husband and I drove to Minneapolis to pick them up from the airport. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this area, that is a 3 ½-4 hour drive each way. We were late meeting them. Having a propensity for lateness in such activities, all was forgiven quickly. We took them for a short trip inside Mall of America. One cannot visit the cities without seeing this capitalist icon. Monday we logged 430 miles.

Tuesday we started late. We picked up a rental car to save the miles on my husband’s prize possession. Then a brief stop to show my relatives where I go to school. Next stop, was a visit with some friends at Fort Thompson SD.  I’d love to digress into a long story about this visit. It was unusual to say the least. I did write about playing with Destiny after the visit. Like our never-ending travels, I will just keep going.

By nightfall, we were safely in Rapid City having supper at the 24-hour Perkins Restaurant having logged another 400 miles. A brief sleep and it was on to Mount Rushmore. I like going to Mount Rushmore. I remember the first time I went the excitement of the little girl who used to look longingly at the picture of Mount Rushmore in her Social Studies book returned. It was a childhood dream comes true. Having seen it about 5 times now, the excitement has waned but the awe has not. No trip to SD is complete without a stop at Wall Drug. After eating there, we journeyed through the surreal landscape known as the Badlands. By the time we reached Brookings that night at midnight, we had logged another 500 plus miles.

Having begged my husband to reconsider his plan of leaving at 6 a.m. on Thursday morning, we left at 2:00 p.m. for Tennessee. Opting for a saner two-day trip, we arrived in Columbia Missouri at midnight.  Mileage log for that day was 550 miles. A quick breakfast with my son, a trip to the cemetery to see my mother’s date of death engraved on the stone, a whirlwind visit to our alma mater for the sake of the relatives, we finally arrived at our home in Kingston Springs TN at about 7:30 p.m.  Passing the Arch in St. Louis, we completed that day having driven 475 miles.

It was delightful in Tennessee during Easter weekend. It was warm. The daffodils were finished in my front yard, but the peach tree and the pear tree were blossoming. The view from the front of the house was breathtakingly beautiful as white blossoms covered the trees and the vibrancy of the forsythia was striking this year.

Easter Sunday, I attended the church I had visited for Ash Wednesday. I remembered the pastor’s admonition to remember I was dust, even when dressed in my Easter best. The service filled me with hope for my daughter and her family. They had found a good place to worship. My granddaughter sang about having Jesus down in her heart. I took home the lily we had purchased in memory of my mother. It is now planted in the front of my home in Tennessee.

Sadly, by 3:00 p.m. on Easter Sunday we were on our way back to South Dakota. Leaving the relatives to visit with others in Tennessee, we traveled together. The further north we traveled, the more the temperature dropped and we saw no signs of spring. I was sad. It was so good to feel the heat on your face, to see trees in bloom, and smell spring. Over two days, we traveled another 1000 miles plus. Monday night after a supper visit to Taco John’s we returned to our quiet apartment in Brookings.

Yesterday I saw some daffodils in Sioux Falls. The surprise of seeing bright yellow caused my breath to stop. I don’t remember seeing daffodils last year. Perhaps I did. Probably I did. But this time I really saw them.  I am seeing more beauty and purpose here in South Dakota. I will get to have two springs this year. One brief in Tennessee and perhaps one longer, here in South Dakota.

When I next return to Tennessee, it will be to start my doctoral program at Trevecca. It will be the middle of May. I will be glad to return. It will be the beginning of a new chapter in my life. As I’ve thought about writing a dissertation, something about South Dakota has taken root in my life. I have a passion for  the original people, the first nations, of South Dakota. I am thinking to write my dissertation on some issues that might benefit these true South Dakotans.  Maybe I’ve found my reason for being in South Dakota. It has taken a while, but there is hope. After all, I did see daffodils in South Dakota.