The Crocus Are Up

It’s been quite a while since I wrote here. I have not been in South Dakota now for nearly two weeks. My attempts at acclimation were abruptly interrupted. A brother of my husband was returning to their native Pakistan. Symptoms of an illness that took their mother and sister were showing. He wanted to return home. He wanted to be near what was familiar and comfortable for him, his wife, his siblings, his hometown, and his children.

Just in case, my husband felt an urgency to say good-bye in person. We threw things in our suitcases. We drove halfway to Tennessee. In my beloved Columbia Missouri we rested. The next day saw us to Tennessee. I rested. My husband lapped up the last few moments with his brother before he left.

Saturday, he started his journey back home. He arrived safely. For the last week, my mother has been taking a journey home as well. My mother didn’t go back to Waynesboro her childhood home. She did not go back to Brooklyn NY where her children were born and raised.  She returned to her heavenly home. I have written about it on Sounds of Hope.

I am “home” right now in Tennessee. I will leave tomorrow to complete my mother’s final wishes and arrangements in Columbia Missouri. I suppose I have many homes. Brooklyn is home. In an odd way, Waynesboro feels like home. Connecticut is home. Tennessee is now home. Columbia is beloved the most. My father rests there and now my mother.

What about South Dakota?

I don’t think it will ever be home. I could be wrong. There were times I never thought Tennessee would be home, and now it is where I long the most to be.  As I scanned the condolences and comments on Facebook, I realize there are some people from South Dakota whose warm words are giving me great comfort and support.  I’ve received emails from the Seminary community. Most are heartfelt and personal. There is a professor in the midst of his own serious trials who I met by chance before his sabbatical. He sends warm condolences and I know he has prayed for me.

Could it be that there is a life for me to return to in South Dakota? The daffodils are almost up here. Although unlikely, I might get to see one before I go. I have seen crocus and heard birds singing. When I do return to South Dakota I realize that I do have some people there that I care about and that seem to care about me. 

You can easily overlook the tiny crocus just as I have overlooked those glimmers of beauty and hope in South Dakota. I am going to go back looking with fresh eyes for the beauty that might be there. I am almost anxious to return.